Saturday:
“You’ll be doing what ever I want you to do, no complaining and no soft limits.” This was all I was told about what was planned for Saturday, except that I would be paying a pro-domme, that Mistress Madame had chosen, to session with while she watched.
Early Saturday evening Mistress Madame arrived, stylishly late, and after having traffic put her in the mood to beat on someone. We had plans to go to “Madame S” to get a chastity device for me before the pro-domme arrived, possibly to wear during the session but at least, so that I could be placed in chastity at some point in the future.
Once we were back in the apartment she had me try on, or try to try on, the cb-6000. It apparently doesn’t work with out lubrication, which it doesn’t come with, so she gave up on that and had me get ready. She told me that I was to be naked, with my hands bound, blindfolded and gagged before her guest arrived. Time was passing more quickly then we had realized and as she was binding my hands behind my back she received a text message saying her guest at the front gate. Mistress Madame quickly blindfolded me and went out to open the front gate.
As I stood there feeling helpless and exposed I was listening intently for any clue as to what was going to be happening to me tonight. Mistress Madame had kept it a total mystery.
The first thing after I remember is listening to Mistress Madame letting her guest in, them walking into my apartment and wondering if they had closed the front door or left it open to humiliate me. Her guest, upon seeing me, told her that she was right and that I was totally disgusting. Soon after this I’m gagged by Mistress Madame and start to drift away into this state of being helpless and anxious, not knowing what would happen but knowing I had no ability to protest it.
I listened to Mistress Madame and her guest talk to each other about my apartment and about me, like only a person trapped and helpless can, hanging on every word but still barely able to comprehend. One might think that in this situation you would be hyper aware of yourself and what was going on around you, but I was barely aware of myself and only aware of the situation in an abstract sense. It was like I was remembering it, or flashing back on it, but not like I was there.
I was lead, I believe, near my bed and Mistress Madame began flogging me. As I’m wring this I suddenly remember her telling her guest that I’m not a pain slut but I can take a lot of pain. She might have mentioned, also, that it sometimes makes it even more fun because my whimpering isn’t an affectation. It’s hard to remember the details of the beating. I was relieved every time she took a break, however brief, but I was also uncontrollably cowering, not knowing when or where the next blow would come from and acutely aware that a stranger was watching. To be honest I enjoyed that my suffering was their entertainment.
As the beating continued Mistress Madame and her guest ignored me except as a whipping post and to occasionally ridicule me. While they talked I slowly began to recognize Mistress Madame’s guest’s voice. I think this really came to the surface when Mistress Madame asked her how she was evaluating me, so far, as a potential slave. I knew there was something about that that didn’t fit. The realization that I really didn’t know what was going on took hold of me and then suddenly, as if uttered slowly and in a hushed tone like an atomic secret, my mind whispered “Is that Mistress Mitsukai’s voice?”.
It’s hard to fully convey how this went over. There had been, up to this point, a seeming barrier that prevented my ego, in the Freudian sense, from doing much but commenting. A distant and dim sign that read “you’re fucked now”. But the other me, the me that isn’t my ego, was saying something totally different and completely unexpected. It was saying, no, you’re not fucked, you’re scared but you know this is where you should be. And it was. Confused yet trusting, tense but resolved.
Before this could really grow into a full blown epiphany I was squeezed into to a straight jacket and slowly, but ceaselessly, claustrophobia set in as I was bound tightly, gagged and blind. I could feel what seemed to be a battle of my desire to be still and accept my beating, not to upset either woman, of the pain and desire to cower from it and the panic of being in this tight straight jacket. I never fully lost composure but I was absolutely terrified of the consequences if I did.
Mistress Madame asked if I had any guesses as to who her guest was. This, of course, confirmed my suspicions and I slobbered through the gag “Mistress Mitsukai?”. It felt like a prayer said to two goddesses, invoking them. I was a cowering supplicant and I could feel it to the core of my being. Any thoughts of what I wanted dissolved and were replaced by a strong desire only to please them and not to satisfy my own submissive need, maybe that was there somewhere, but my motivation became them. Is that Stockholm syndrome, I later wondered?
As I reeled from this revelation the abuse continued.
There was the flogger, the paddle and the pin wheel. Clothespins on my nipples, because of my status were forgotten as the straight jacket was put on, biting painfully into me. There was the confinement and lack of the sensory input that helps us to feel at all in control. Like windows on a plane designed to calm you yet offering no actual control, I was powerless to resist either of them and not being able to see or speak panic set in.
As the panic grew I started to beg for mercy. Mistress Madame and Mistress Mitsukai seemed ambivalent to my pleas, and it got worse and worse. I couldn’t tell if they just couldn’t understand me, I was gagged after all, or if they didn’t care.
As I struggled against the straight jacket I began to hyper ventilate and felt a sudden, unexpected and hard kick to my balls. I quickly lost my ability to stand and could feel myself falling. I was worried I’d fall in a position where it would be hard to get me out of the straight jacket but Mistress Mitsukai had kicked me hard enough that I collapsed.
I begged even more to be let out of the straight jacket and thankfully Mistress Madame began undoing it. Half out of the straight jacket and the gag apparently removed, the first thing I did was cup my balls, followed closely by thanking Mistress Mitsukai for kicking me. Any attention from her, any abuse, seemed to resolve my insecurity just enough that I was able to regain some small degree of composure. I thanked her, sincerely, for kicking me and I was grateful.
The exact sequence of events during this alludes me. I remember only flashes of begging through the gag, being kicked, begin release from the straight jacket, and being told to confess my fantasies to Mistress Mitsukai. Wanting to supplicate myself for this powerful woman and in a fog of abuse, debasement and submission I struggled to recount my fantasies. I had fantasized about her using me as her servant, about her abusing me when she was in a bad mood, about her taking my money and degrading me. I fantasized about her chaining me to my toilet and leaving me there over night. Being her lackey and punching bag. I was always compelled by, yet afraid of, her and Mistress Madame knowing this showed me my place by arranging for me to be at her mercy and with out my consent. That was, it seems, the turning point for me. To realize that my consent was not necessary and that I was ultimately only here for their amusement and use and to accept and want to feel this way.
After Mistress Madame helped me to stand from where I collapsed my hands where bound in front of me and a lead attached. Mistress Madame offered to take the blindfold off, but I was terrified to see Mistress Mitsukai, in person. It was a sense of awe, of the religious quality. I was afraid to see her or Mistress Madame, at this point, would be too overwhelming. Eventually the blind fold was taken off and the reality was cemented.
They were both laughing at my predicament and that I couldn’t stand on my own. While I was in the straight jacket they had been discussing taking me outside like this, knowing I was powerless to resist. Now bound simply by my wrists Mistress Madame began leading me toward the front door, at each step telling me to behave and obey. I don’t remember the specifics except that as I submitted and deferred she allowed me to step back, as I resisted, she forced a step forward. And each step, in either direction I become more a slave. Until this point I was submissive, yes, service oriented, sure, but a slave? I have a long way to go but I learned my place and know now this inevitable.
If I remember correctly this is when I was made to log in to my online banking so that Mistress Madame and Mistress Mitsukai could go though my finances and decided on how much money to take. I was instructed by Mistress Madame to masturbate and she and Mistress Mitsukai made it clear that I wasn’t allowed to cum.
Each time I got close to cumming Mistress Mitsukai would tell me to stop, only to start again as soon as I was able.
Years ago I was serving a woman online who devised a rule towards my masturbation. She told me I could only use a vibrator, the magic wand variety, never my hand. She explained that it would remind me I was a bitch and ruin my ability to masturbate normally. The women I’ve served since have had me continue this, so any chance to stop has been denied. I often hate the vibrator but it does actually work in that it’s not as satisfying and it is humiliating to use, even in private.
I used the vibrator as Mistress Mitsukai went through my account information, comment on how it would be so easy now to blackmail me and looked for an expensive restaurant for them to eat at later in the evening.
When it came time to leave they discussed taking me out naked to humiliate me in public and how this would facilitate the rest of the evening. I had, and have, no idea what was planned beyond the dinner but suspected, based on their dialog, that it involved pubic abuse. Thankfully they decided not to take me out naked, but Mistress Madame wanted me to wear something that would remind me of my place while we were out, knowing that before tonight this had been a hard limit. I asked if I could wear a ball lock, the other options being a collar or the hand cuffs. The ball lock is a master lock that fits around the base of my balls. It’s heavy, uncomfortable and impossible to take off with out the key. It fit snuggly beneath the panties I was also told to wear.
Mistress Madame had me give her and Mistress Mitsukai the money I had secured for the pro-domme session so they could split it between themselves. It was hardly enough, so I also stopped at an ATM on the way to the car, taking out the maximum for that machine to also give to them. I loved it when they took my money, I admit. I’m not a money slave per se, but I feel that serving financially is part of, not separate from, serving my superiors.
We got to the car and I opened Mistress Mitsukai’s door while the attendant opened Mistress Madame’s. We drove and valet parked at Morton’s, a steak house near union square. I opened both Mistress’ doors and followed them inside feeling at peace with serving them this way as their “valet” and prayed they wouldn’t push me to supplicating myself too overtly in public.
We hadn’t made an appointment so they waited at the bar to have some drinks, appetizers and to go over the menu. I stood behind them as they sat at the bar.
Bar’s being what they are perhaps it was inevitable that the two men seated next to the Mistresss” began slowly and drunkenly trying to gain their attention as I awkwardly waited behind the two stunning and powerful women. Mistress Mitsukai wasn’t shy about rebuffing their attempts at conversation. I’m never comfortable at bars anyway, but this was 100 times less comfortable, in panties, a lock on my balls and waiting to react to the whimsy and commands of two dominant women.
Once seated the Mistress’ looked over the menu as I wondered if I would be allowed to eat and if so, choose my own meal.
As it turned out I got a salad and this, along with I’m sure my demeanor and obvious status to Mistress Madame and Mistress Mitsukai, encouraged the waiter to make a point of teasing me. First, sensing my discomfort at the live lobster he wheeled out he kept inching it closer to me. He also made a point to confirm several times that it was me who was getting the salad and otherwise ignoring me in my deferential status at the table. It made it clear that I was the wallet and valet, not to be treated as more, or at least it made it clear to me.
It began to seem that the night had come to an end. Both Mistress Mitsukai and Mistress Madame, tired, decided not to move on to the next phase of the night with me but they did decide to go out to a bar Mistress Mitsukai favored.
I was beyond exhaustion but found it impossible to refuse either woman. Mistress Madame did excuse me from the bar but Mistress Mitsukai wanted me to at least walk with them there so I could carry her laptop and jacket, and Mistress Madame’s purse. I would also be meeting them after so that I could walk with Mistress Madame back to my apartment where she was spending the night before heading home the next day.
After walking them to the bar, humbled by carrying their things, feeling awkward and exposed, this was both mine and Mistress Mitsukai’s neighborhood, I arrived back home. I tried to relax and allow the evening to settle in my mind but this only raised more questions then before. Was Mistress Mitsukai pleased with my service so far? Was Mistress Madame enjoying her night? Was I going to be allowed to serve Mistress Mitsukai in the future? What would that service entail? She had suggested she might allow me to do housework or other chores, and I hoped so.
I waited for Mistress Madame to text me and tell me to escort her back. She messaged me twice, the first time as I was on my way her plans changed, so I returned home and waited. I figured by this that she would be staying until the bar closed so I planned to be there at 2am so I was near by when she did decided to leave. I actually got near the bar, around the corner, about 20 minutes early but waited until I was summoned.
When I arrived I found Mistress Madame, Mistress Mitsukai and her boyfriend standing out front. I was relieved that there wasn’t a crowd but still embarrassed to meet her boyfriend. After I was introduced I was ignored. They were all going in same direction for half the walk back and I carried Mistress Mitsukai’s laptop until the point we parted ways, reimbursing them on the way for the drinks they had at the bar.
Once we went our separate way and I walked alone with Mistress Madame she asked for my impressions on the night and I told her I felt, but couldn’t explain yet, that it was something of a revelation for me and I was reconsidering my previous feelings toward my status and the way’s I’ve served in the past.
When we got back to my apartment she said I could masturbate but only after I fetched her something to drink from the corner store. I was told to wear stockings, panties and a shirt I’d been told to make by another domme a year earlier. She called it my humiliation shirt, and simply put it’s pink and reads across the front “I’m a fat loser. I suck cock. I eat shit. I serve Princess”. I wore it under my street clothes but I was terrified of being mugged, killed or hit by a car in this outfit. I imagined paramedics cutting away my clothes and thinking first, okay, panties, sure why not. Then, stockings, well that’s a bit more beyond the pale but it’s a wide world. Then the shirt, which I’m sure would raise more questions then it answered. But with out incident I was able to get the drinks and bring them back.
Mistress Madame was asleep when I returned so I put the drinks away and went to sleep myself, not sure what the next day would bring.
Sunday:
The next morning I woke up feeling extremely servile and submissive to Mistress Madame. She wanted her drink and I sprang out of bed to get it for her and I found myself in a different place then I had been before. I just wanted to serve her, not play or scene.
She seemed to sense and enjoy this, perhaps a bit taken a back by it. She might not have been entirely trusting of my motivations either, as I hadn’t been able to cum the day before so she had me masturbate while she got on my computer and did some online shopping and transferred some money to herself with paypal. All told, I believe in this hour period, she took $1400, on top of whatever I spent the night before, seven some odd hundred dollars.
While I masturbated she discussed an idea she’d had, that might be facilitated by my new frame of mind. she talked about giving me to women to serve in a semi-non consensual way. I would have a few limits that she would allow but for the most part they would be only to create sustainability in my service and to promote my submission. They wouldn’t serve to indulge me beyond forcing me to take it slowly and truly build my ability to serve. I would serve and be owned by her and other domme’s she choose.
After I came I wanted to take it as an opportunity, because I knew she would understand that this was when a male is least driven by their sexual needs and most clear headed, to say that I had really learned from the previous night. In no small part due to the effect that both her and Mistress Mitsukai’s power had had on me. And I didn’t mean it just to flatter. I felt truly inspired and in awe of them both.
I told her that I wanted to serve and was ready to commit to being the semi-non consensual slave she had described. It felt right and I knew I had accepted my position and purpose in life.
Friday I was a submissive fetishist with a bent toward being service oriented, Saturday I was a drift with a tenuous grasp of myself . Sunday I was, hopefully, about to begin serving women in the way they deserve, as a slave and servant. It was a long weekend
