How would I ever do without bullshit like this:
“Dear Mistress Mitsukai:
i want to cryo-freeze sperm. i’m physically aroused by dominant women, which is why i have in interest in your help…i don’t want to have a “wasted” trip to the medical facility if you know what i mean.. Your job..simply put.. is to make sure that i am “motivated” to put the specimin in the little cup. If i need you to come with me, then you come with me. Maybe over the phone, maybe a video to watch from a scene….im not sure yet about the details. Let’s assume that you come with me for 10 trips, for about 2 hours including a little travel time. I’m interested in RESULTS, and a good price to get the results i want.. Generally, 10 specimins are required to ensure that if i ever wanted to sponsor a child it would for sure happen. They have a facility in S.F. area. I want one price for the whole project. Would that be workable?
thomas”
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I hope he likes the response. I toiled for like, 2 whole minutes on it:
“Why in the fuck would I be interested in helping you get off so you can reproduce more goddamned retardo spawn? I believe in survival of the fittest and natural selection, not some douchebag making his sperm immortal so he can produce a kid with the IQ of 15 who’s not even fit to work in a factory in China.
Not only that, but I’d feel bad for any woman that got unlucky enough to be given your DNA. God, what a buzzkill that’d be when it came out with crossed eyes, tyrannasaurus rex arms, and a micro-penis. That’s mandatory abortion after the fact, right there. Sure you might go to jail, but you just know if you don’t kill that little queer now, he’s going to go fuck up the world.
No, I don’t think so. How about you just get a nice turtle instead and forget all about these wild ideas of yours?”