105288
Alright, here’s the deal. It’s been brought to my attention that goldilocks is coming to San Francisco for a visit. I told him I’d find him a hotel for the week that he’ll be here. Unfortunately I can’t decide between the two hotels that I have picked out, so we’ll take a vote.
The first is the Ramada at Howard ST + 7th ST in San Francisco.
PROS:
Really, really ghetto.
Pretty much guaranteed to get mugged.
Close to the train tracks and truck thoroughfare so sleep isn’t likely.
You’re getting sheets covered in bodily fluids. No question about it.
CONS:
$90 is way too expensive.
Rooms are only marginally dirty.
It’s near stuff.
CHOICE REVIEWS:
“This place is filty and unsafe. Three out of the five rooms we rented had to get clean sheets. One even had bodily fluids on the sheets. We were the maid! We had to walk across the street to get the sheets. This place is disgusting.”
“one lady turned back the bed to find pillows covered with short curly hairs and actual human excrement on the sheets. Next, four of the five rooms had problems with sheets: Hairs of all types, if you know what I mean, on the pillowcases, blankets, etc. Sheets that had not been washed and clearly smelled of body oils and odor. One lady had what looked like vomit crusted on her bedspread. Later he brought up a blanket and a comforter. Seemingly clean at first, but as I opened up the comforter, I noticed what looked like dried white body fluid on it, I would guess it was semen”
“Packing up the next morning there was the most fowl moldy pair of socks I have seen in my life under the bed.”
The second is Motel 6 in South San Francisco.
PROS:
Quirky as shit.
$45 a night.
CONS:
Not quite as ghetto.
I wish there were more hilarious reviews to read.
CHOICE REVIEWS:
“Wow. This was really a sketchy hotel. There was the random 1.5 foot I-beam protruding from the floor, we checked that off as just part of the atmosphere… but the thing that really won us over was the multitude of mystery stains and unique smells. Almost every stain color imaginable, some of which I don’t even want to venture a guess at… on the floor, on the walls, on the linens, the blankets. Eww.”
“We had to grab the edges of the mattress to stay in place; they are not flat”
“The elevator works fine but you need to trust and try to feel safe”
“When I entered my room, what a surprise! Both bed pillows were missing”
“We had a problem with the television in that the volume was booming and you couldn’t turn it down, only up”
Place your votes.